deviant art

Deviant Login
Buy ArtBuy T-Shirts & Gear Buy adCast Buy Premium Membership
Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Already DeadI sit on the ground,
And steady my head.
It doesn't really matter.
I'm already dead.

I turn my arm up,
About to begin.
The voices are silenced
As the blade digs in.

First there's a pinch
Then the blood starts to explore.
Forming little red beads,
It soon starts to pour.

I laugh at the sight.
My arm starts to burn.
The monsters inside are dying,
And they start to squirm.

The feeling goes away.
There's a pounding in my head.
There's no hope for me.
I'm already dead.
Parental ''Encouragement''Mother,
Why do you despise me so?
Don't you think I should know?
I've grown into what you asked,
Graceful, poised,
Calm, relaxed.
For once,
I finally like who I am,
But still you say,
I should throw it away,
And act like it was a sham.
I'm rude,
Hostile,
And mean.
It's toward crude humor I lean.
It's the reason I'm alive.
Sarcasm helps me survive.
I'm sorry it's not okay,
But it saved my life.
Helped me get rid of the knife,
And for that I shall never change.
So Mother,
I say to you now,
Of myself,
I am surely proud.
FadingLosing hope in everything,
Don't care what the future brings.
We're all gonna die anyways,
Why not tomorrow, why not today?

Tell me the reason, my purpose in life,
Tell me, why not suicide?
Give me reasons why I should live,
If I took my life, could you forgive?

I'm sorry, I know you thought I was stronger,
But I told you I can't take it any longer.
You told me these things, I told you I'm not,
I tried, I fought, again I lost.

This battle with myself, I've had enough,
Endured so much, depression's tough.
Battling addiction of self-harm too,
You have no idea what I've gone through.

I wanted to tell you.. So many times I'd trie
My smileMy smile was once so easy,
a thing of joy and pride,
but over these years of darkness,
the ease has slowly died.

I find it's no longer truth,
but simply a lying mask.
It hides away the misery,
the hauntings of my past.

I refuse to look at pictures.
I see what others ignore.
The uneasiness of my smile.
How it has turned into a chore.

Will I ever truly smile,
with joy, pride, and truth,
or will I never know a smile?
Will it die with the rest of my youth?

Please, i wish to laugh,
to smile without a care,
but I'm not good enough for this,
and I guess that is fair.
Do You?Every scar tells a story...

A cross for the time I doubted God,
Four down the middle,
Because three was odd.
One for the insults,
And how my heart breaks.
Seven for the time he was ripped away.
Eight for the time you left me alone,
Six for the time,
I lost my home.

My scars talk.
And you listen.
But you don't hear.
You don't hear,
My doubts and fears.
My insecurities and confusion,
They do not exist in your illusion.
I have been ripped away from what I need.
And what I need,
Is to grieve,
And bleed.

My scars tell a story.
I have a reason for what I do.
My scars tell a story.
But you don't hear,
Do you?
Tinkerbell's PleaPretty fairy,
Flits from tree to tree.
Pretty fairy,
Can't see me.
Pretty fairy,
Shine your light.
Little fairy,
You are so bright.
I think I'll take you,
And put you in a jar.
Hide you away,
So very far.
No one else,
Will ever see,
The light you shine,
Only for me.
I'll conceal the beauty,
I have seen.
It will be as if,
You had never been.
Little fairy,
Can't you see?
I am
Humanity.  
Cold HeartedI'm tearing them down,
Piece by piece.
Let the walls fall,
Let the pain increase.

I stare my pain in the face,
Let it rip me a part.
Show what I've always feared,
In the depths of my cold heart.

I review my lack of care,
All the people that I've hurt.
When did I become so cold?
When did loved ones turn to dirt?

What happened to me?
Once so loving and kind.
When did it get so bad?
Did I suddenly lose my mind?

I want to trust again,
To love and to care,
But is the risk to high?
Is the cost of pain fair?

I realize that it's not.
I'm safe within my walls.
So much better to be cold,
Then to get hurt in the fall.
Society and What She IsEvery smile is a lie.
Every laugh is a lie.
Every single time I say I'm okay,
I lie.
I have never been happy.
I learned that I need to hide,
Hide the depression,
Hide everything that is wrong.
Hide what I feel,
Because society thinks it is wrong.
Society,
And it's uniformity,
It's disgust,
Press down on me like an anvil.
Society is breathing down my back,
Analyzing me,
Like I am not human.
Like I am not one of them.
I do not conform,
So Society makes me believe I am wrong,
A freak,
A science experiment.
Society makes me this.
I could be normal,
But for
Society.
Tragic ValentineWhen I look in your eyes,
I see the rest of my life.
I love you,
I do.
And I know you love me too.
A ring on my finger,
And another on yours.
We know each other.
We have no doors.
Even though we're separated,
By six feet of dirt.
The words you whisper,
Still heal my hurt.
The way you exist,
Inside my head,
A figment of the imagination,
Can never be dead.
I am yours,
And you are mine.
I will always love you,
My tragic Valentine.
Dear DaddyDon't bother with your stories
Don't bother with your lies
Don't bother to fix it 
Just please don't even try

You've hurt me once again 
Though you said you never would 
"After all," you explained
"What father ever could?"

Don't bother with your promises
They're simply empty words
To pacify my worries 
And rid me of concerns 

You said you would be there for me,
You always did your best
I discarded that tale 
I put it with the rest

Don't bother with excuses 
I clearly understand 
that even though you say you love me
Your time's under demand

I hope that you realize 
One day you'l
FollowedThe hurt
The burning
Whether the urges
Or
The memories
It's all eating away at me
Both broke a part of me
I don't really know
Which part is worse off
Maybe memories of you
Followed by tears of blood
Or
Maybe the urges
Followed by crimson puddles
It's getting too hard
I'm falling fast
Faster than I can fly
Insane AsylumThe reflection,
The one whose scarred,
Marred,
And unperfect?
Yeah,
That's me.
I never thought I'd be like this.
You know,
Shattered mind,
Cut wrists.
The white walls surround me,
And they need a splash if red.
I splatter the walls,
With my life's blood,
Wishing I was dead.
But before I slip away,
The attendants come for me.
They can't let me die,
It comes out of their paycheck, you see.
So they'll bandage me up,
And walk me to my cell.
Damn it all,
This is fucking Hell.
They wrap me in a jacket,
So tight my arms get numb.
But I guess this is another day,
In my insane asylum.
I Don't CareThose heart-wrenching feelings have long since passed
Of togetherness, of love
Later came the shock of agony
Which I have rose above

Now I see you on the floor
Cold and bumpy to the touch
Remembering the last time I saw you
And how I used to feel so much

Remind me of the days of holding hands
Fingers entwined between fishnet gloves
Passionate, tender moments, exchanging hot kisses
With a girl I used to love

You are round and brown with little black bumps
A cute smile painted for a face
You had a match worn by another
But that was in another place

I don't think much of her anymore
She doesn't come to mind
And I believe it's f
SuicideI'm not okay.
I'm not "free."
I'm not the me,
You think to be me.
I'm falling up,
Into a beautiful sky of blood.
All of it's mine,
Leaving my body,
In a torrential flood.
I want to leave,
Pop those pills.
Join Death,
In roaming the rolling hills.
I want my canvas,
Of blood and skin.
I want my body destroyed,
To commit that beautiful sin.
I want the pain,
The poison and death.
I want that exhilaration,
And loss of breath.
I want to die,
And go away.
So I shall take my life,
Today.
Browse More Like This
Download File
HTML, 607 bytes more ▶

More from =clarissabelle

Some DaySome day I will be great.
Some day I will be strong.
Some day I'll be somewhere I belong.
It's not as if I want to stay here.
All the remains is sadness and fear.
A ghost of what I was.
And all I've ever been.
A ghost of my past
A ghost of my sin.
I'm just a shadowy echo
Of the laughter that once haunted these halls.
I'm just a meek reminder of how the mighty fall.
But some day I'll look up and I won't be alone.
Some day, I'll look up
And I will be home.
It's My LifeLeave me alone.
I get inspiration from my depression.
I find bravery,
In my regression.
The cuts on my wrist,
Are a pattern of inspriration.
But others say,
They're an aberration.
Don't try to fix me.
This is who I am.
This is my life.
To change it,
I'll be damned.
I refuse to be changed.
So good luck trying.
On the surface, I look happy,
But inside I am dying.
Give it a rest,
And let it be.
You should give up.
You can't fix me.
C'est La VieAprodite, stupid bitch,
You shot the wrong girl!
He looks for someone else,
But he is my whole world.
Your arrow hit me,
But I'm not pretty or wild.
I'm Claire, just Claire,
With the innocence of a child.
I'm just me,
All I've ever been.
Just a little girl,
Lost without a friend.
In the droves of self-pity,
I have found my place.
With shackles around my wrist,
I can't bear to see my face.
I'm still lying to him,
Pretending I'm doing well.
But every time I smile,
I go through pure hell.
Like drinking battery acid,
Or salt on torn flesh,
The pain of seeing you,
That's all I have left.
Can't look on you happily,
Without being in secret despair.
Who Am I?My name is hopeless,
Haunted,
And unloved.

My face is scarred,
Twisted,
And cleaved.

My heart is broken,
Blackened,
Nettled.

I am not a human,
I am a monster.
I have been sent forth from Hell.
I cast despair.
On those whom my eyes fall,
Be they strong,
Weak,
Short,
Tall,
None are safe.
I will never be done.
You cannot hide.
You can only run.
The Shams of What RemainsMorals are so hard to cling to,
When everyone's doing drugs.
Crimes are committed everywhere,
And everyone's a thug.

Being a virgin isn't a virtue,
You hide it away with shame.
Yet while all of drink and smoke,
Proudly I proclaim,
Alcohol, I know not the taste.
Smoking, I do scorn.
I shall not look,
While away you waste,
Looking so forlorn.

I am my own person,
And my morals I hold dear.
I quietly sit at home,
While my friends win "Stupidest Decision of the Year."

Though I'm not perfect,
And I'll never claim to be.
My peace of mind is worth it,
So I'll be true,
To me.
JanusBehind the copper doorway
Beyond the golden room
There awaits your future
There awaits your doom
Janus, the god of choices,
Asks will you go left or right?
You could discover nirvana,
Or you could die tonight.
Are you ready to take that risk?
Take that bow,
Brave that cliff?
Will you survive?
No one knows.
But no matter what,
Whither thou goest,
I go.
Trust me with your heart,
Trust me with your all.
I won't let you down,
I won't let your faith fall.
So, Janus,
I'll tell you now,
The choice is mine to be brave.
Leave my golden room,
For my choice,
I have made.

Featured in Groups:

:iconwritersjournal: #WritersJournal
Write your heart out! :iconimreallynotokay: #imreallyNOTokay
... trust me! :iconstop-the-suffering: #Stop-the-Suffering
You're not alone. We care :iconwriters-spotlight: #Writers-Spotlight
All work is accepted! :iconliterature-anonymous: #Literature-Anonymous
 :icongeneration-writers: #Generation-Writers
 :iconunderstood-accepted: #Understood-Accepted
We understand your pain

Details

January 20
607 bytes
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 22
Favourites: 16 [who?]


Views: 146 (0 today)
Downloads: 1 (0 today)
[x]

Who I Am

:iconclarissabelle:

I took a knife,
To my skin today,
To see if I could wash away,
All the horrid things I've done.
Wash it all away,
With drops of blood.
I took a knife,
To my skin today.
I want to give my soul away.
I'm selling,
The very essence of me.
I don't value it, you see.
My favorite sin,
Is blade against skin.
Just the slightest pressure,
Is my release.
But this release,
Does not make me weak.
This release makes me,
Me.
:iconclarissabelle:
My scars have finally faded, after all this time, yet I'm still jumping at the chance to replace them.
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icongroovybydawn:
~GroovyByDawn Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautiful poem I do say, you have executed this perfectly.
Just remember that no matter what, hurting yourself is never a solution. I used to do it when I was angry, not cutting, but biting myself and digging my nails into may skin until it bled.
It's just not good, and it doesn't get anyone anywhere, but even I still do it sometimes.
I understand that it's not just something you can just stop, but at least try not to replace those scars.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. :)
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
=clarissabelle Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you and I will remember that. Thank you for the llama as well :)
Reply
:icongroovybydawn:
~GroovyByDawn Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're very welcome, have a wonderful day!
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
=clarissabelle Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, you too. And btw, I absolutely LOVE your icon :)
Reply
:icongroovybydawn:
~GroovyByDawn Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you! XD
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
=clarissabelle Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome!! :)
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
`MagicalJoey Jan 22, 2013   Writer
True, it does not make you weak, but it's also only a part of you. A lot of things work together to make you you - beliefs, the way you grew up, values, morals, your current surroundings, how life has treated you - so it's not just the scars and the cutting that has made you you.

And I'm glad your scars have faded - resist the urge to jump, because it is so easy to slip back into old patterns.
Reply
:icontotallyrandom13:
~TotallyRandom13 Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Don't replace them. I know it may seem right, but it's not.
Reply
:iconlimeadelover:
~LimeadeLover Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It speaks to me, I really like it. Fantastic job, I am looking forward to seeing more from you!
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
Mood: Love =clarissabelle Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm glad you like it!!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment
©2013 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Developers | Careers | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Premium Membership Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy