[x]

Tragic ValentineWhen I look in your eyes,
I see the rest of my life.
I love you,
I do.
And I know you love me too.
A ring on my finger,
And another on yours.
We know each other.
We have no doors.
Even though we're separated,
By six feet of dirt.
The words you whisper,
Still heal my hurt.
The way you exist,
Inside my head,
A figment of the imagination,
Can never be dead.
I am yours,
And you are mine.
I will always love you,
My tragic Valentine.

Butterfly ScreamsIt's fun,
Isn't it?
Hurting me?
Killing me?
Watching me bleed?

Mocking me?
Striking me?
Ignoring my needs?

Destroying who I am,
And all I'll ever be.

But you wouldn't stop,
That I can see.

The butterflies in my stomach,
Scream as the hurtful words
Pin them to corkboard.
I'll cut myself,
And bleed.
I'm gonna lay down,
And hear the butterflies scream.

"Don't even worry."
"I'm perfectly fine."
Words are sandpaper,
And a couple of lies.

So while I'm here,
Down on the floor;
Do your worst,
Your worst and more.

So I'll lay down,
And bleed.
Even when I'm gone,
The butterflies will still scream.

The Shams of What RemainsMorals are so hard to cling to,
When everyone's doing drugs.
Crimes are committed everywhere,
And everyone's a thug.

Being a virgin isn't a virtue,
You hide it away with shame.
Yet while all of drink and smoke,
Proudly I proclaim,
Alcohol, I know not the taste.
Smoking, I do scorn.
I shall not look,
While away you waste,
Looking so forlorn.

I am my own person,
And my morals I hold dear.
I quietly sit at home,
While my friends win "Stupidest Decision of the Year."

Though I'm not perfect,
And I'll never claim to be.
My peace of mind is worth it,
So I'll be true,
To me.

1Go on,
Go.
I won't be your freak show.
It's not "funny,"
It's not "cool."
I'm just a girl,
Who didn't know you were so cruel.
I made a mistake,
I'm sorry to say.
I paid for my mistake,
Very dearly today.
You took who I was,
And you tore up my heart.
I'm broken and bent,
I'm falling apart.
The roof of my home,
Has just caved in.
It looks like you did it.
I guess you win

JanusBehind the copper doorway
Beyond the golden room
There awaits your future
There awaits your doom
Janus, the god of choices,
Asks will you go left or right?
You could discover nirvana,
Or you could die tonight.
Are you ready to take that risk?
Take that bow,
Brave that cliff?
Will you survive?
No one knows.
But no matter what,
Whither thou goest,
I go.
Trust me with your heart,
Trust me with your all.
I won't let you down,
I won't let your faith fall.
So, Janus,
I'll tell you now,
The choice is mine to be brave.
Leave my golden room,
For my choice,
I have made.

A Perfect DayThe rain is pouring;
I don't know what to say.
I'm actually not depressed today.

The birds are silent,
And Mulan is on.
Where have the scars and nightmares gone?

Are they in the closet?
Under the bed?
Where have they gone?
Why have they fled?

You know what?
I don't care.
All that matters,
Is that they aren't there.

I'll grab a blanket,
Take a nap.
Eat some cereal,
Curl up with the cat.
Enjoy this time,
Until it's gone.
So let me sit down,
And put my happy face on.

Can'tCan't whiteout my mistakes,
Can't erase them from the page.

Can't shake my past,
Try though I may.

Can t run from you,
Wish I could.

Can't make myself happy,
Know I should.

Can't smile,
Have to frown.

I can't stay up,
I have to bring myself down.

I do,
But I don't.

Is it can't,
Or is it won't?

Coming Apart at the SeamsAgain my arms have paid the price,
For the pathetic thing,
I call my life.
Cuts up and down,
Decorating my arm,
Keeping me safe,
From emotional harm.
Guarding my soul,
All through the night.
Showing that there is darkness,
Even in light.
So no matter how much I try,
To just go past,
The scars on my arms will always last.
They'll line up,
With the ones in my heart,
Until the day,
I finally fall apart.

Zero.10.

I take a deep breath.
Is this really what I want?

9.

Of course it is.
Why am I even questioning it?

8.

"Because you're a coward,"
That cruel voice whispers,
"And you're looking for a way out."

7.

"No," my voice replies.
My voice is stronger.
I will be heard.

6.

I shift my grip on the knife,
And sink deeper into my sheets.

5.

My heart rate jumps;
My breathing accelerates.

4.

The world shifts in and out of focus,
As my senses are heightened,
By the adrenaline racing through my veins,
Knowing my end is near.

3.

I think back.
Is my will in order?
Have I written all the letters?

2.

My eyes flick open,
And I plunge the bl

We Are Friends"Freak!"
"Freak!"
They'll call you;
They'll call your name,
And you'll get blue.
But please don't cry,
I'll pull you through.
You know why?

Cuz that's what friends do.

Cut and cut,
Slit your wrists.
But please think of what you'll miss.

You'll never see me find a guy;
You won't be around to help me not die.
Suicide isn't selfish,
It's not selfish at all.
Suicide is simply,
A wake up call.
But whenever you feel down,
Call me up,
I won't let you frown.
I will never,
Let go of you.
You know why?

Cuz that's what best friends do.

I'll make you laugh,
Til you cry.
I'll be so funny,
You won't want to die.
You're my hero;
Please don't

The Madness WithinRide away.
Fly away.
Run away.
Run.
But I can't.
I'm stuck.
I can't
Escape.
I can't run away.
They will always catch up.
Steps.
Over and over.
Going nowhere.
I am stuck on repeat.
I'm stuck.
Stuck.
Tick.
Tick tick.
Tock.
I can't escape.
Time.
I can't outrun the clock.

tICK TiCKI'm one of you,
Cut me,
And I'll bleed.
Slice through my skin,
You'll see.
I cry tears,
Just the same.
You hurt me,
Without even knowing my name.
Stop my heart,
I swear I'll die.
To see the truth,
Look in my eyes.
Don't ever stop to think,
How your words affect me.

*blink**blink*
You've missed it.
All your words were shit.
They just keep coming and coming,
Never stop.
I smashed the windows,
And broke the clocks.

So tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,

Tick.

B

O

O
M

It's My LifeLeave me alone.
I get inspiration from my depression.
I find bravery,
In my regression.
The cuts on my wrist,
Are a pattern of inspriration.
But others say,
They're an aberration.
Don't try to fix me.
This is who I am.
This is my life.
To change it,
I'll be damned.
I refuse to be changed.
So good luck trying.
On the surface, I look happy,
But inside I am dying.
Give it a rest,
And let it be.
You should give up.
You can't fix me.

Two-FaceSuch a pretty smile,
Who'd you steal it from?
Such beautiful eyes,
Who's missing them?
Such elegant cheekbones,
Whose skeleton did you copy?
Such a petite nose,
Whose was it before?

So, pare you the politician,
Or the prep?
The genius,
Or the gullible?
The skeptic,
Or the stupid?
The jock,
Or the joker?
What face are you hiding behind?
Whose eyes am I looking into?
I want to see your eyes,
YOUR smile,
YOUR face,
I don't want Two-Face.

I want you.

Some DaySome day I will be great.
Some day I will be strong.
Some day I'll be somewhere I belong.
It's not as if I want to stay here.
All the remains is sadness and fear.
A ghost of what I was.
And all I've ever been.
A ghost of my past
A ghost of my sin.
I'm just a shadowy echo
Of the laughter that once haunted these halls.
I'm just a meek reminder of how the mighty fall.
But some day I'll look up and I won't be alone.
Some day, I'll look up
And I will be home.

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More from =clarissabelle

NothingI am here
With the Nothing.
I am falling
With the Nothing.
I am sleeping
With the Nothing.
I can't breath
Because the Nothing.
I can't feel
Because the Nothing.
I am held,
A prisoner of fear,
I am saddened,
So down fall my tears.
I am maddened,
I've been alone all this years.
So while Nothing invades my soul,
And you lie comfy,
In your home,
I will be fighting Nothing,
And I will lose.

What You've DoneIt's fear that keeps me from hugging you,
Nothing more,
I swear it's true.
You never did anything but I still remember the tears.
I remember the disgust,
And all of those broken years.
Years I spent,
Alone inside my self.
Years I spent,
With trust gathering dust on a shelf.
I could not speak the truth,
Up until now.
But even then,
I cannot transcend
The shame that cotton balls my mouth.
I am not whole,
As you see me to be.
I only learned to hide my stitches and fissures,
With clear line I use for fishing.
I am a hollow shell,
Living in my own hell.
Memories,
Of what you did to me,
Continuously plague my dream

My Departure From InsanityCrying on the inside,
And only I can hear my pleas.
Dying on the inside,
But no one can hear my screams.
I'm slowly breaking down,
Losing my sanity.
I can't take it anymore,
I don't feel like me.
I can't breath with this big white jacket,
My arms wrapped around me too tight.
These people won't tell me,
Where I'm going tonight.
I see a needle! No!
They've injected me with something.
My are drifting shut,
And I can feel nothing.
A voice in my head lulls me awake.
My arms are free.
Where could I be?
I see my mom,
But my mom's dead!!
I see a drop of blood,
The is from my head.
A mirror appears,
And I gaze at My reflection

beautyMy soul is screaming.
Why can't you hear?!?!
Oh, I forgot you didn't care my dear.
Why can't you see
What you do to me?
Are you blind?
When I first met you,
I thought you were kind.
I was wrong.
You're not the you
I knew to be you.
Nothing you said
Was ever true.
It was all a lie,
An elaborate scheme.
You still did it,
Even though you were my dream
I have seen your true colors,
And they are not bright.
They are not beautiful,
They are not nice.
All of you that I could see
What you really are
Is clear to me.
What you are,
Holds no beauty.

My BladeSometimes I just sit at home,
And listen to my favorite song.
And sitting there with the radio on,
I ponder death.
I ponder life.
I ponder why I need my knife.
Is it because I'm weak?
Insufficient?
Meek?
Why can't I put it down?
Why can't I smile?
Why do I frown?
It's okay,
That's enough for today.
I have the tissues,
And the Band-Aid.
It's okay,
Because now I have my blade.

FlyWhat is a "life?"
If it has no meaning?
Can I truly live
While I'm still grieving?
Is the weight of the world
Going to crush me?
I have no future,
As far as I can see.
I let her fall.
Now I never speak her name.
I let her fall.
Is it time for me to do the same?

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Submitted: February 7
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Pesky Voices

by =clarissabelle, Feb 7, 2013, 3:52:40 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Traditional Fixed Forms

Am I schizophrenic?
Am I just a girl?
There's got to be,
More to me,
Then the voices,
And the world.
But I still scream,
At myself.
It's my fault,
And no one else.
I'm screaming,
And so are they.
Profanities,
Degradation,
Are things they hurl my way.
They say I want to die,
And I can't tell if they lie.
The voices are soft,
Kinder now.
I want to die,
And they'll tell me how.
It's simple.
I take the knife,
And end my life.

Pesky Voicesby =clarissabelle

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Traditional Fixed Forms

...

Critique by ~kayceethe166 Feb 7, 2013, 11:49:16 PM

the short, choppy lines provide a distinct impression of not being sure of oneself. the first few lines further add to the indecision. include the on again/off again rhyme scheme, and the whole poem feels very disjointed. which is a good thing. schizophrenia hinges on not being able to tell what is real, and what isn't, having muddled thoughts. its a constant battle to determine what is to be believed, and what is to be disregarded. the screaming could be viewed as an attempt to get back to reality, to focus on something known to be real. when the other voices join in the screaming, any grip once had on reality slips away again. this leads into the question of whose idea it was to commit suicide. not that suicide is an answer to anything, but was it due to real life being that bleak, that there was nothing left? or was there a real, wholesome fulfilling life out there, and the other voices could not take hold of it? regardless, the decision is made, and the author believes it was made with a clear mind, thus silencing those who may be excited by its acceptance, or afraid. the return to a rhyme scheme feels like the writer is again in control, and enacts the ultimate decision.

all in all, delicious. 2 small edits, though. in line 5 (then the voices), i was thinking you might use the word "than"instead of "then." also, in line 11 (i'm screaming), i thought it might flow better if you used "i am." another syllable balances out the following line. just my opinions, you are the writer, and i stand by the fact that this was very well thought out and written. cheers, and keep on writing!

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`MagicalJoey Feb 8, 2013 Writer

Sometimes the hardest voice to follow is your own, because it gets drowned out by the louder, more aggressive ones. But, like what has been previously said, hold on. Because you will find it eventually.