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Lo, How She Lie, Still and BrokenI'm trying so hard to get better,
So hard to be strong.
I'm trying so hard to keep smiling,
So hard to go on.
But I'm getting tired,
This happiness drains me.
The walls are closing in,
It's getting hard to breath.
My conciousness,
Goes in and out.
The room goes black and white.
I can't take much more of this,
I think I've lost my sight.

Moral of the story:

You can't do it all,
Because no matter what you say or do,
Even the mighty fall.
ScreamingScreaming on the inside,
Smiling on the out.
I don't need this torture;
I don't need this doubt.

I'm sick of denial;
I'm sick of these lies.
Once, just once,
My smile should reach my eyes.

My scars are fading;
My courage is gone.
Everyone's jaded,
It's time I move on.

To a world with no sadness,
Lies,
Or fear.
A world of wonder,
Lingers near.

A slip of the knife,
Like a slip of the tongue.
I've ended my life.
I'm finally done.
Can'tCan't whiteout my mistakes,
Can't erase them from the page.

Can't shake my past,
Try though I may.

Can t run from you,
Wish I could.

Can't make myself happy,
Know I should.

Can't smile,
Have to frown.

I can't stay up,
I have to bring myself down.

I do,
But I don't.

Is it can't,
                             Or is it won't?
Pesky VoicesAm I schizophrenic?
Am I just a girl?
There's got to be,
More to me,
Then the voices,
And the world.
But I still scream,
At myself.
It's my fault,
And no one else.
I'm screaming,
And so are they.
Profanities,
Degradation,
Are things they hurl my way.
They say I want to die,
And I can't tell if they lie.
The voices are soft,
Kinder now.
I want to die,
And they'll tell me how.
It's simple.
I take the knife,
And end my life.
Locked in Eternal StruggleHow I look on the outside,
Does not match the in.
What are the differences?
I don't know where to begin.
My ivory flesh,
Disguises my insides of tar.
Clear green eyes hide the darkness,
Observed in me thus far.
Crying for a change,
Demanding she see the world,
Lingering inside me,
There is another girl.
Untouched by all my worries,
Free from all my pain,
That girl screams inside me.
Desperate to see the day,
Like a maze in my soul,
She's trying to get out.
She will reach the surface,
Of that I have no doubt.
I can hear the bitch screaming,
She's so fucking loud.
I guess I was wrong.
My depression won't let her out.
Tragic ValentineWhen I look in your eyes,
I see the rest of my life.
I love you,
I do.
And I know you love me too.
A ring on my finger,
And another on yours.
We know each other.
We have no doors.
Even though we're separated,
By six feet of dirt.
The words you whisper,
Still heal my hurt.
The way you exist,
Inside my head,
A figment of the imagination,
Can never be dead.
I am yours,
And you are mine.
I will always love you,
My tragic Valentine.
OvercomeThe power of Christ compels you!
Leave me alone!
The power if Christ compels you!
Go back to your godforsaken home!
No! You can't do this!
How are you still here?
Stay in the pentagram!
You're supposed to disappear!
Oh, I understand.
My faith wasn't enough to be strong.
So now I'm here with you,
In Hell where I belong.
I'm supposed to be here,
Or at least that's what you say.
But unlike you,
My faith grows everyday.
God will save me,
That I surely know.
You think I belong here,
But really I should go.
My faith in God, my spirit,
Both you tried to kill.
I know that I'll get out of here.
Someday,
I will.
The Shams of What RemainsMorals are so hard to cling to,
When everyone's doing drugs.
Crimes are committed everywhere,
And everyone's a thug.

Being a virgin isn't a virtue,
You hide it away with shame.
Yet while all of drink and smoke,
Proudly I proclaim,
Alcohol, I know not the taste.
Smoking, I do scorn.
I shall not look,
While away you waste,
Looking so forlorn.

I am my own person,
And my morals I hold dear.
I quietly sit at home,
While my friends win "Stupidest Decision of the Year."

Though I'm not perfect,
And I'll never claim to be.
My peace of mind is worth it,
So I'll be true,
To me.
Society and What She IsEvery smile is a lie.
Every laugh is a lie.
Every single time I say I'm okay,
I lie.
I have never been happy.
I learned that I need to hide,
Hide the depression,
Hide everything that is wrong.
Hide what I feel,
Because society thinks it is wrong.
Society,
And it's uniformity,
It's disgust,
Press down on me like an anvil.
Society is breathing down my back,
Analyzing me,
Like I am not human.
Like I am not one of them.
I do not conform,
So Society makes me believe I am wrong,
A freak,
A science experiment.
Society makes me this.
I could be normal,
But for
Society.
A Perfect DayThe rain is pouring;
I don't know what to say.
I'm actually not depressed today.

The birds are silent,
And Mulan is on.
Where have the scars and nightmares gone?

Are they in the closet?
Under the bed?
Where have they gone?
Why have they fled?

You know what?
I don't care.
All that matters,
Is that they aren't there.

I'll grab a blanket,
Take a nap.
Eat some cereal,
Curl up with the cat.
Enjoy this time,
Until it's gone.
So let me sit down,
And put my happy face on.
Dear ClaireDear Claire,
I'm sick of the happiness,
And the smiles.

I'm sick of your laughter;
It's been going on for a while.

Where are the tears?
I miss the despair.

I like you depressed,
Because that's when you're Claire.

I think you should change,
Because I said so.

You're not happy,
You and I both know.

So start crying,
And slit your wrists.

Yes, yes,
That pain you've missed.

We're only here for you;
Don't you feel good now?

Yes, you do.
We can tell you how.

Just listen.
Listen, Claire.

C'mon, you can do it.
Give in to the despair.

We do it for you.
Love,
The Voices.
tICK TiCKI'm one of you,
Cut me,
And I'll bleed.
Slice through my skin,
You'll see.
I cry tears,
Just the same.
You hurt me,
Without even knowing my name.
Stop my heart,
I swear I'll die.
To see the truth,
Look in my eyes.
Don't ever stop to think,
How your words affect me.

*blink**blink*
You've missed it.
All your words were shit.
They just keep coming and coming,
Never stop.
I smashed the windows,
And broke the clocks.

So tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,

 Tick.

                              B

          O

                                             O
M
The Abdication of the ThroneCalling my name,
Screaming for me to run towards you.
But I can't,
I won't,
What should I do?

I want to run,
But is it right?
Should I stay?
Should I fight?

All my dreams,
My childish fears,
They live in my mind,
And escape through my tears.

I can't hold on,
I just want to fall.
I want run,
And escape over the wall.

I'm gonna let go;
I'm gonna fall down.
I have lost hope,
And deserted my crown.
Parental ''Encouragement''Mother,
Why do you despise me so?
Don't you think I should know?
I've grown into what you asked,
Graceful, poised,
Calm, relaxed.
For once,
I finally like who I am,
But still you say,
I should throw it away,
And act like it was a sham.
I'm rude,
Hostile,
And mean.
It's toward crude humor I lean.
It's the reason I'm alive.
Sarcasm helps me survive.
I'm sorry it's not okay,
But it saved my life.
Helped me get rid of the knife,
And for that I shall never change.
So Mother,
I say to you now,
Of myself,
I am surely proud.
Browse More Like This

More from =clarissabelle

How Mommy Loves MeI hope that you like me.
I tryed so hard to impress.
I have impeccable hair,
And not a spot on my dress.
I have a soft rosy glow,
And hair white as snow.
I made myself pretty,
And I didn't eat.
What more do you want?
Should I use my hair to wash your feet?
I tried so hard to make this day great.
But as soon as you showed,
I fell on my face.
How do I look?
Tell me the truth.
Are you proud of me?
How can I make you?
Please don't cry.
I don't want to get hit.
Mommy, I'm sorry.
I guess I deserve what I get.
Placing BlameThe walls are closing in.
I fend them off but I can't win.
My breath quickens,
My blood thickens.
I can't stay here.
I'm being drowned,  
By my greatest fear.
I can't breath.
I need to leave.
Damn, the door's gone.
Finally, you have won.
I can't soak up my tears.
Not even with salt.
Happy now?
Your daughter's suffocating,
And it's your fault.
See the Voice, Be the VoiceSpeak for those
Who cannot speak for themselves.
Relate a story for those who it are unable to tell.
You have a voice.
They don't have a choice.
To be heard, you must scream.
You cannot glow,
You must gleam.
Be a voice of reason,
And speak the truth.
Don't speak it for others.
Speak it for you.
Let them know the tales you tell.
Let them know.
Describe your hell.
But most of all,
Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

Featured in Groups

:iconstop-the-suffering: :iconwriters-spotlight: :icongeneration-writers: :iconunderstood-accepted:
×

106.8

:iconclarissabelle:

The weight on the scale,
Says that I failed.
I know that I'm fat,
That settles that.
I want to be pretty,
Skinny and thin.
I want a flat tummy,
Is that such a sin?
I hate my belly,
It jiggles like jelly.
My thunder thighs,
Are a curse to my eyes.
My invisible collar bone,
Makes my heart sink like a stone.
I hate my weight,
106.8

181

17 22 1
:iconclarissabelle:

106.8by =clarissabelle

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There goes my lunch...and my breakfast.
©2013 =clarissabelle
Category: Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Traditional Fixed Forms

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January 22
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:iconmaplemintbunnyxxx:
~maplemintbunnyXXX Mar 5, 2013
I know how you feel but 106.8 is not fat I'm 120 so don't feel bad :) and if anyone makes fun of you tell them there's just more to love lol :D
Reply
:iconmybeautifulhorizon:
~MyBeautifulHorizon Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
if 106.8 pounds is fat then im obese .__.

oh and a fun fact ~ not eating breakfast makes you gain more weight~ i am still learning that the hard way, i hate my weight as well, i want to at least be the right size which is 140lbs, but its taking time..... lots of time...

personally thought * it always makes me really sad, when i see girls and even boys say they are fat, when they clearly aren't </3 like like one cousin, who tries to tell me she is fatter then me........ lets just say she a really fit body, and me? no so much .__.

but it was very well written! everything but the weight is the same for me,.
(i love your poems btw ^-^ totally watching~)
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
=clarissabelle Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and it really means a lot that you would take the time to write this comment and tell me about your struggles. Thank you for the compliment on my poems and the watch :)
Reply
:iconmybeautifulhorizon:
~MyBeautifulHorizon Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no problem ^-^
stay strong!
Reply
:iconariacokanola:
~ariacokanola Jan 23, 2013
I know how you feel:/
Reply
:iconjellybeanseverywhere:
*jellybeansEVERYWHERE Jan 23, 2013
Claire!
You are NOT fat, we've been through this haven't we? Society's idea of beauty not only is it impracticable and unhealthy but odd too. You know the reason people are attractive is because of *ahem* animalistic desires, right? You know the need to reproduce? Funny thing is a good percent of those women who are models can't have children! People these days....
Not only that but all of those images? They're photoshopped!
Need I say more?

Point is, you're beautiful, you don't need a mirror, a guy, and most defiantly not a society to tell you that :3
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
=clarissabelle Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, Jelly. :iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconjellybeanseverywhere:
*jellybeansEVERYWHERE Jan 23, 2013
Welcome as always, Claire! ^~^
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
=clarissabelle Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconcoyotedove:
~CoyoteDove Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hun, I've been down that path, and I still struggle with it. I've managed to settle my weight at 110 lbs, which is 6lbs shy of being under weight for my height. Yet you shouldn't sell yourself short, being really skinny is actually really bad for your health. Being under weight and being over weight, are to weight issues that cause horrible cardiovascular problems. At least try to gain weight in muscle, even if it is just enough to but you in the middle of normal weight. I don't want you to end up like me, unable to climb a set of stairs without near collapsing from exhaust. :hug:
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